“We welcome all our reminders about our children –
it helps us feel less isolated in our grief."
Danielle - Sonny and Airlie's mum
Just before Christmas 2021, we sadly lost Sonny to a rare genetic condition known as PPA2 – a gene mutation that can lead to sudden cardiac death. In May 2024, we tragically lost Airlie to the same condition. Mine and Leon’s worlds came crashing down.
Whilst we are still on the path of our grief and healing, our journey has been made easier through the support of our loved ones and by the amazing support of our Red Nose bereavement counsellor.
Hearing our children’s names is everything to us
When friends and family mention Sonny and Airlie’s names, be it through memories they share, greetings on Christmas cards or even on party invites - it means the absolute world to Leon and I that Sonny and Airlie’s names are remembered.
For every story told and each memory that’s recalled of Sonny and Airlie, we are so touched that our friends and family include them in conversations. It’s the memories that Leon and I hold very dear to our hearts because that’s all we have left of our children.
Sonny was a bright and cheerful little man, with white, blonde hair he was our ‘sunshine boy’ always happy and playful he made the transition to motherhood easy. Simply put, he was the dream baby - always smiling and my friends would often say, “Danielle, you have a unicorn baby!”
With a cheekiness about him, it was his warmth that bonded him to our Jack Russell – they were the best of friends, often sharing Sonny’s snacks.
Our gorgeous girl Airlie was our sassy, cheeky and cheerful princess - our ‘heart healer’ after losing our Sonny. Just like her big brother, Airlie was a fan of Sesame Street’s letter and number of the day and she would perform her adorable ‘wiggle wiggle’ dance, especially when she’s happy. When I put the first Shrek movie on, on cue she’d know it was time to ‘wiggle wiggle’ dance her way to the ‘Welcome to the Duloc’ song. And on our numerous stays at PCH hospital, she’d do her performance in front of her beautiful care team. Airlie knew she had us wrapped around her finger.
Losing both of them at such young ages, Sonny at nine months old and Airlie at 18 months, was incredibly heartbreaking. We struggled when Sonny passed away, but what helped us through our grief was the support of our Red Nose bereavement counsellor.
Being supported by Red Nose
Red Nose connected us with a grief counsellor who has helped us immensely and has been an amazing sounding board for us to discuss our grief. Throughout this process, Leon and I discovered that we grieved differently. Our counsellor Fran has become “an extension of our family” – she’s been instrumental in providing me with guidance on how to approach returning to work and facing any difficult conversations, especially after experiencing child loss. As a loss parent herself, Fran knew where you were coming from, she was like an aunt you could talk to, patient and insightful, navigating us through the hard and emotionally difficult times.
We would still be struggling had we not received the bereavement support from Red Nose.
To other parents experiencing loss
Grief and love cannot coexist without each other. With grief comes great love, the pain we feel is a symbol of all the love we have to give our children.
Look for the signs everyday, they are a reminder that our children are still with us.
Helping to break the stigma
When you address the elephant in the room, it helps bereaved parents have an open conversation. My children did exist and when the community shies away from acknowledging our children, I feel more isolated in my grief.
Reach out and acknowledge the passing of a loved one. Even if it’s just to say, “I don’t know what to say, but I am sorry for your loss” means a lot. It’s a good opportunity to have those difficult conversations and help change the stigma in the community and educate others on grief.
Don’t be worried that you might upset a grieving parent by mentioning their child, they already think about their child every moment of everyday, just as a parent with a living child would. You might just make their day by holding space to have a conversation about their child and share a special memory, their hair colour, their personality traits or the foods they enjoyed.
Encouraging Australians to get behind Say Their Name Day
We welcome all our reminders about our children.
Saying our children’s names doesn’t hurt us - it reminds us you remember them too! I love hearing people discuss Sonny and Airlie, sharing little memories or moments that made them think of them, including little signs they may have gotten. I always get sent photos of beautiful big vibrant sunflowers with messages ‘made me think of you and Sonny’ - I love that, it brightens my day!
After Airlie passed, a little willy wagtail flew around my parent’s balcony, whenever my mum saw the bird she’d say: “Oh my girl’s just visiting us.” Or if I’m out shopping with my mum, and we see a cute sparkly dress she’d say: “oh my girl would’ve loved that dress!”
Little reminders of acknowledgement mean a lot.
It feels like they existed and mattered, and they do.
Make a donation to help us support grieving families
Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.
