Archer, our Archie, was born by emergency c-section at 37.5 weeks old. I had a “normal”, low-risk pregnancy and was due on 22 December. 

On 6 December, I went to the hospital for monitoring as Archie’s movements had reduced. After an hour of monitoring, I was rushed to theatre, placed under general anaesthetic and Archer was born.  

He was taken to Special Care Nursery, then that evening was moved to the Royal Women’s NICU. The next day he was taken to the Royal Children’s Hospital NICU and spent his short but incredible life being looked after by the beautiful souls in the Butterfly Ward. 

Archer endured multiple tests and investigations such as MRI, CT Scan, brain monitoring, ultrasound and X-ray. He was on a range of different medications and support, but Archer’s syndrome was undiagnosable, and we may never understand why his insides didn’t develop properly. On the outside, he was a perfect little babe; gorgeous and gentle.  

When we knew that Archer was going to die, he was made as comfortable as possible. Ben and I are grateful that we were able to spend not only one but two nights together as a family of three, as Archer held on for a little while longer than expected.  

We took him outside shortly before he passed, where he got to feel the breeze in his wispy hair and was being held by both of us – his loving parents – as he took his final breath on 4 January 2022, at just 29 days old. 

During pregnancy, you’re not really prepared for the very real reality that not all families will get to take their baby home. Some babies don’t make it to full term. Some babies make it to full term yet are stillborn. Some babies are born sick, for no reason, and do not get to leave the hospital.  

Infant loss is sadly much more common than we realise. Sharing our story is important to bring awareness to this and to, hopefully, help others come forward to share their stories too. 

Archer is the first baby for Ben and I, and is now a big brother. His sister Maisie was born in 2024 and I am often asked whether she is our first. I always say no, she’s our second, and brace myself for the follow up questions.. “what do you have at home?” “how old is your first?” “do you have a boy or another girl?” etc. All well meaning and well intentioned, but sometimes it depends on how brave I am feeling as to how much information I give, because sometimes the truth feels too big and leaves room for more questions. Regardless, I always tell them that she has a big brother named Archie. I feel that now I get to speak his name more than I did before, and for that I am grateful. I am not sure how Ben and I will talk to Maisie about Archie initially, but I know that he will always be spoken about and included in stories of our family.

Please don’t be afraid to speak the names of the babies in your life who are no longer with us. It’s so important to parents to hear their babies’ names, and to be given an opening to talk about their child. 

Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.