“Saying the name of a child who has passed away is one of the simplest things you can do to support a bereaved parent.”
Matthew – Wren’s dad
Wren Frances McConnell was born on Good Friday 2022. She lived for 8 days, which we will forever cherish, before she passed away in our arms at the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne.
A traumatic birth and cord prolapse lead to Wren suffering severe hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy (HIE). Her day 4 MRI left us with no option but to shower her in love and make as many memories as possible before withdrawing her life support.
Wren was a beautiful baby girl with a full head of dark hair, she looked just like her older sister Edie. She was perfect in every way and nothing can ever change that.
Like every parent we only ever wanted her to live a long and healthy life. She didn’t get that, but what she did get was a life full of love and tenderness from a family who had to quickly come to terms with her lifetime being limited to 8 days.
Our obstetrician put us in touch with Red Nose and through the Hospital to Home program my wife Madeline and I had a personal debriefing zoom session. This also put me in contact with the Red Nose Men’s Monthly Online Support and a Red Nose counsellor.
The monthly online support was instrumental in my growth after losing Wren and gave me confidence to share my story. Counselling guided me through the grieving process.
We officially had support through the Hospital to Home program for 8-10 months, but really it’s ongoing through things like online Facebook support groups and email updates on current supports.
Saying the name of a child who has passed away is one of the simplest things you can do to support a bereaved parent. The simple gesture is powerful as it may spark a conversation, and when a parent has an opportunity to tell their story it is empowering to them and their child.
Our children that have passed away will never be able to speak their names, so they need us as parents and you our supporters to speak their names for them to keep their memory alive.
Wren is included in every aspect of our lives, and always will be.
We paint our nails bright pink, and have done since Wren was 2 days old in the NICU. I have her bunny tattooed on my forearm. My wife has her name and birth flower on her forearm. We have photobooks dedicated to her life - maternity, heartfelt and funeral photos. In her own garden a banksia is planted on top of her placenta. We have a Christmas bauble, a shrine on our mantel, painting and photos.
To others who may be going through similar pain, know there is an amazing community of bereaved parents out here waiting with open arms to welcome and guide you through the days, weeks and years after your loss.
Embrace this community and make connections with others – it’s these connections that will get you through the darkest of days. Don’t be afraid to share your story, it can be empowering for you and those around you.
Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.
Help us to support bereaved families by making a donation today
