"Say Their Name Day is for us, as much as it is for all Australians.
The message is that simple – say their name. Do not pretend my baby did not exist. Do not shy away because you think the topic is too difficult or too sad."
Emily - Jack's Mum
Our second child, Jack, had dark hair, a round face and beautiful full ‘Angelina Jolie-esk’ pouty lips.
He was an absolutely beautiful baby.
Just like any of your children, you hope they live a long and happy life. We didn’t expect that Jack’s would end before he had a chance to live.
But, on 5 October 2021, he was unexpectedly stillborn. He was 38 weeks and 6 days.
In my mind, I now see Jack as a busy two year old boy with that same dark hair, brown eyes and full lips.
Say Their Name Day is for us, as much as it is for all Australians.
The message is that simple – say their name. Do not pretend my baby did not exist. Do not shy away because you think the topic is too difficult or too sad.
I wish society was better at acknowledging grief and talking about loss, especially the loss of a baby. Like any parent and proud sister, we would like to talk about him. We gave him the name Jack, we want to talk about why we named him that. We want to talk about who he looked like and we want to include him at special occasions like Christmas.
We are learning to navigate his physical absence in our lives. This absent feeling is a constant. But too often families like ours are met with complete silence and that is what hurts more than anything.
Acknowledgement is everything.
I would like people to know that if you don't know what to say or do at the time of someone's loss or on occasions like birthdays then there is information and easily accessible resources at your fingertips to help. There are no perfect words you can say or perfect thing you can do, but something genuine from your heart is always better than nothing.
We are always thinking of our son and brother and always will. Whether it's been 1 week, 6 months, 5 or 25 years. Say their name day is about raising awareness that it is ok to say their name. In fact, it is essential in supporting a bereaved family.
Beautiful Jack was a Spring baby. We have a blossom tree at home that flowers for his birthday. Lydia, Jacks older sister, now six, and his younger sister, Adeline 1, Jack’s Dad, Nick and myself also all go away together for his birthday. It is so important to continue having his special days remembered.
A little help from Jack
I wasn’t told about Red Nose when I left the hospital. I only discovered them after I did my own research. I wish we had known about the Red Nose Hospital to Home program and all that it offers. I wish we had known about the services Red Nose provides to families who experience stillbirth.
I didn’t because I didn’t know it existed.
That is why I created ‘a little help from Jack’ – a companion for pregnancy and baby loss. It has all the information, resources, supports that a bereaved family may need. Since its launch last year we distributed 2406 copies nationwide – on average that is 6 copies a day which is the stillbirth statistic in Australia. As of March 2024, we are at over 700 companions for the year.
Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.
Help us to support bereaved families by making a donation today
