“Say Their Name day is so important. A lot of people hesitate to say James’s name in fear that it will upset us. But it is more hurtful to have them say nothing at all.”
Benn – James’s Dad
James was only 3 days old when he died, so we never got to know him as well as we had hoped. We knew he loved dumplings though, as he would always kick and dance around whenever his mum ate them for dinner.
We had a lifetime of hopes and dreams for James that we were never able to fully discover; what footy team he would follow, what movies or music he would love, or what would he be when he grows up?
We just have to do our best to remember him in a way that would make him proud.
It is now more than six years since my first son, James William Lockyer was born on Wednesday, 27 September 2017. Since James died he has remained a constant in our lives and is now a big brother to Ella Marie and Jack James.
We have a lot of ways to remember James. Maybe too many. But to us it certainly doesn’t feel that way.
There are photos of James around the house. We light a candle every night for James, and include him (his bear) in many family activities. There is a place reserved for him in the garden and a special shelf that has memories, pictures, his ashes, presents we were given and other things that simply remind us of him.
A family tradition is whenever we see a butterfly we see them as a sign of him saying hello.
Say Their Name day is so important. A lot of people hesitate to say James’s name in fear that it will upset us. But it is more hurtful to have them say nothing at all. We are already upset, even if we are not showing it. One of our biggest fears, and one we know is a huge fear for other bereaved parents is that one day, our child may be forgotten. Hearing people say James’s name shows that he isn’t just in our thoughts, he's in others too.
Some of the best days I have are those where someone has talked about James, whether just saying that they were thinking about him, or asking details about his story.
Yes, I will almost always cry when I talk about him, but that’s because I still love him and miss him and that will never change.
I don’t feel bad about the tears and don’t feel like it’s a sign to end the conversation. I just remember it’s because there is a part of my heart that belongs to James.
If you know someone who has lost a child, don’t ever be afraid of talking to them about their loss.
Benn- Jame's dad
Like all grieving parents, all we want is for our son to be remembered.
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Click here to read more about James and his family
Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.
