“It made me so happy when friends asked me about Rigby, and I cried with heart aching joy when someone finally asked to see a photo of him.”
Liz – Rigby’s Mum
Our perfect boy Rigby Schleicher Seymour was stillborn at 21 weeks and 1 day after a termination for medical reasons on August 2, 2023.
Rigby had been diagnosed with a severe lower urinary tract obstruction (LUTO) at our 20-week anatomy scan. Unfortunately, Rigby’s diagnosis was not compatible with life and we had to make the heartbreaking decision to let him go peacefully, only knowing warmth and love. We attended our first Red Nose support group meeting a few weeks after Rigby’s birth and we have participated every month since.
Rigby was beautiful. When he was born, he looked exactly like his dad. He was 28cm and 520 grams of perfection, with tiny swirls of blonde hair where his eyebrows were growing and a gorgeous little nose that all the midwives commented on. We were so excited to meet him and to love him and to hold him. Rigby was so wanted and will always be so very loved.
We were fortunate to have a wonderful, love-filled birth experience, supported by an amazing team of midwives and hospital chaplains. After Rigby was born, we were given a memory box and pamphlets for all the available supports. We were given Red Nose resources and were encouraged to attend the support group when we felt ready.
Red Nose has been amazing. From our first support group meeting we have felt welcomed and supported and understood. It’s the worst club to have to belong to, but it is a really accepting community of grieving parents who know exactly what you’re experiencing and can hold space for you. Our group facilitator is the most beautiful human and seeing her as a mother many years into her grieving experience gives me so much hope and strength. We’ve been attending support group meetings for six months. We participated in the 2023 Walk to Remember and will probably be leaning on support from Red Nose for a while to come. While I’ve not used it yet, it also gives me a lot of comfort knowing the support line is available 24/7 and that there’s someone waiting on the other end of the phone for me when I need them.
Though our loss is still relatively recent we have already begun to build special moments and locations for us to connect with Rigby. On the last evening in August 2023, we planted an orange flowering gum in the garden for Rigby. Flowering gums bloom in December so we will always have flowers for his due date.
When we’re ready to part with it, we’ll bury Rigby’s placenta under the tree. For now, we have a bench with a plaque where we sit and think of Rigby in the garden that he would have loved to play in and learn about plants with his dad. We have his hand and footprints framed and a special photo book and memory box in the living room where we can always see them and look at them. Rigby exists in many places in our home, and I hope we always feel his presence around us.
Participating in Say Their Name day is such a generous and easy act of kindness. When Rigby died, people didn’t know what to do. Pregnancy and infant loss still aren’t commonly talked about, and that can make it scary for people. But being a tiny bit brave can bridge a heartbreaking and isolating gap for grieving parents. It made me so happy when friends asked me about Rigby and I cried with heart aching joy when someone finally asked to see a photo of him. Rigby is my baby and I am just as proud of him as any mother of a baby born alive would be. He lived and he was born and he is loved. Speaking about Rigby is my favourite thing, and it is a beautiful thing when people say his name and acknowledge his existence.
Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.
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