Please Say Their Names, today and every day
Stacey - Sonny's Mum
At 18 weeks, my husband and I said hello and goodbye to our much-dreamed IVF baby, Sonny Tasman.
Sonny was diagnosed with severe Lower Urinary Tract Obstruction (LUTO) in utero and he was born in February 2022.
When we found out that we would have to say goodbye to our precious son, I knew immediately that I wanted to deliver him.
I knew I wanted to give him a beautiful, respectful and dignified entrance into this world. I wanted to hold him, see his little features and kiss him goodbye.
I thought I was prepared to give birth to our sleeping son, but nothing can prepare you for birthing your child and then walking out of the hospital without a baby in your arms.
As one of my favourite quotes says ‘they say there is no greater pain than childbirth,’ but I disagree.
The greatest pain on earth is carrying and delivering a child you never get to raise.
Our hearts broke that day.
I will never be the same.
It was and always will be the hardest day of our lives but it was also the most beautiful. I got to labour and deliver our son.
It’s such a gut wrenching feeling when I think about how he won’t grow up as we’d planned. That realisation creeps up on me again and again and just like that the heartbreak surfaces once more.
Until our pregnancy came to an end as termination for medical reasons (TFMR) as a result of Fetal Mega cystitis, I didn’t know anything about TFMR.
In Sonny’s final days, I made a promise to him that I would educate people on TFMR and in turn honour his precious life. Without other incredibly strong TFMR mums sharing their stories and raising awareness, I wouldn’t have had the courage to tell ours.
If Sonny’s story helps to make just one person feel less alone and also raise much needed awareness about TFMR then I have kept my promise to my son. TFMR is still heavily stigmatised in society, by helping to spread awareness we can end the silence and begin to open up a dialogue.
My heart still hurts and the pain takes my breath away sometimes but that’s to be expected, I’m told it will get easier with time. But we’ll see. Whatever happens, I’ll be ok, I want to be ok.
Termination for medical reasons is also baby loss and it needs to be recognised and supported within the baby loss community and the wider community.
Please Say Their Names, today and every day.
Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.