“I want to live in a world where I can freely say I have three children, where mentioning Zak feels as natural as celebrating the lives of my daughters, Ava and Zoe. The heartache may never fully fade, but it transforms into a bittersweet reminder of the love I carry."
Tara - Zak's mum
My journey began on May 5, 2016, when I held my son Zak, born at just 22 weeks, for the first and last time due to termination for medical reasons.
My husband and I didn’t get the opportunity to have hopes for Zak beyond his birth, however our hopes were that he is never forgotten, that he is remembered and valued, for the world to know he was here, and that he matters.
In January 2024, I moved to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, leaving behind the familiar comforts of home. Yet, the hardest goodbye was to my son, Zak, whose tiny body rests in Albany Creek, Queensland. Each day without him feels like a weight, an ache that never quite leaves.
Honouring Zak from over 6,700 kilometres away, in Cambodia, I attended my first Say Their Name Day online remembrance service in March last year.
I felt compelled to reach out to Red Nose. Despite the distance, I wanted Zak to be part of the remembrance service, to have his name spoken and honoured. The thought of leaving him behind, without anyone to visit or remember him, has been one of my life’s greatest heartaches.
The team welcomed my involvement with open arms, as they always do, and together we planned to create beautiful mementos for the attendees—cards and seed packets that would symbolise growth and remembrance. What made it even more special was that my mother-in-law designed and printed the cards, while my sister crafted stickers and assembled the seed packets. This collaboration became a way for them to honour their loss and connect with Zak, giving them purpose during this difficult time. As I coordinated from afar, my heart swelled with pride knowing that Zak’s presence was felt at the event.
On the day of the service, I was able to watch via live stream from Cambodia. The modern world we live in felt like a blessing; I could see families gather, share their stories, and honour their babies’ names. It reassured me that Zak was not forgotten—that his name was spoken, and he was recognised as a part of our family, as a part of this world. The thought of him being remembered, of him providing comfort to others, filled me with a sense of peace. What more could a mother want for her son?
Though I never got to see what he would have looked like as he grew, I imagine he would share his sisters’ blonde hair and blue eyes—full of energy and mischief. My hopes for him were cut short, but I’ve learned to channel my love into honouring his memory. Each name spoken, each story shared about him serves as a reminder that he matters, that he was here.
In our family, we celebrate Zak every year on his birthday. Last year, we made a space-themed cake and sang for him. I try to guess what he would like. My daughters blew out his candles and ate his cake for him. A dear friend, also a bereaved mother, took cake to his resting place, honouring Zak alongside her own lost child. In the beauty of that shared grief, I found strength, knowing that we are not alone.
There’s a stigma surrounding conversations about baby loss, and I believe that education is key to overcoming the discomfort. I want to live in a world where I can freely say I have three children, where mentioning Zak feels as natural as celebrating the lives of my daughters, Ava and Zoe. The heartache may never fully fade, but it transforms into a bittersweet reminder of the love I carry.
As I reflect on my journey, I recognise the importance of connection, the healing power of sharing our stories. To those at the start of their journey remember you are not alone. Take one breath, one moment, one day at a time.
I am not sure it gets easier, but Zak is a part of who I am, I am grateful for the privilege of being his mother. I don’t ever wish for a world without Zak; he is mine and I am his.
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Say Their Name Day is on March 25 – a special day to remember all of the little lives we have loved and lost, and support bereaved families.
